A New Year

Will 2010 be the year? This isn't the first New Year's where I have had that same thought. I know to not take it for granted. Yet we are still hopeful.

We have been on the waiting list for over seven months for siblings aged seven and younger. But recently we opened up the possibility of a single child. Now if a single child becomes available that would make a great fit with us, the DIF will be able to consider us. Right now it's anyone's guess! So, we will see how much longer we will wait.

A lot has changed since we started planning to adopt. We have gone from hoping for a baby to being open to older siblings to being open to whatever child or children the DIF will propose to us. Mexico isn't even the first plan we had for adoption. Then after deciding on Mexico, we thought we were going to submit to one certain state there, but then ended up deciding to submit to another. And things continue to change!

One thing has remained the same. Our goal. To become parents. What matters is making the most of the time we have with our child or children once we become a family. We have been reminded by others who have adopted before us, no matter when you meet your child or how old the child is when you meet him or her, more than likely they will be your sons or daughters for many more years than the years you missed with them.

So, we are taking it one day at a time, seeing what opportunities present themselves, and are trying to remain open. And we wonder what surprises 2010 will bring.

Book About Moving to a New Home

I was in the children's section recently and noticed this book. I took this photo of it with my cell phone, so it's not the best photo. I immediately placed it on my wish list. The book is not about adoption, but it would be very appropriate for children who are faced with a big move to a new life. The book is written from the point of view of a young girl who has moved with her family to the United States from a Latin American country. She notices how things are the same and different between the two countries. She adjusts to a new culture and new way of life, even though it isn't easy at times for her. By the end of the book, the new place feels like home. It is bilingual English and Spanish. Just Like Home/Como en Mi Tierra written by Elizabeth I. Miller and illustrated by Mira Reisberg.

Does anyone know of any children's books that specifically address older children being adopted internationally? The books I have come across portray children who were adopted as a baby, and that is not what I am looking for right now.

Preferences

UPDATE: It appears that Mexico is starting to limit the ages that international dossiers can request to age five and older. Some states are not accepting dossiers for ages under eight, etc.

We have been communicating with the DIF, and things are progressing. We don't know when we will get a referral, as it is hard to predict. We've been on the waiting list for over 25 weeks for siblings of any gender. We know after talking with the DIF that if there were siblings cleared for adoption that were a match with us, we would have received a referral by now. The siblings that could be a match with us haven't been cleared for adoption through the courts. That process can be complicated and can take a while. We would have more possibilities for being matched if we are open to only children, large sibling groups, or older ages. The entire adoption process our preferences have been evolving, so we will see.

We know we aren't the only couple on the waiting list for siblings, because in the reception room of the DIF, we met another couple who were also waiting for siblings. It was nice to meet them and be able to exchange stories with them. They are lovely people and live in the same city as the main orphanage. There are many couples in Mexico who are also hoping to adopt, and that can mean that international applicants will wait longer for a referral.

We will eventually get a referral, we are confident of that. Of course, we are ready right now, and hope we don't have to wait much longer.

The photograph is a basket of conchas, a popular pastry in Mexico that is excellent with a cup of hot chocolate or coffee. I'm craving that right now. And pickled jalapeno peppers. Is there such a thing as adoptive-mother-in-waiting cravings?

More About Adopting in Mexico

The adoption path has twists and turns and sometimes it is hard to see what is ahead or where the path will lead.

We receive questions from time to time about adopting in Mexico, and we try to answer. We tend to get asked the same questions, so I am putting the basic questions and answers here. Of course, we enjoy hearing from others who are adopting in Mexico and hope we continue to meet others in the process!

A lot of people want to know what state we are adopting in, and although it's not really a secret, we're just not comfortable disclosing it on the blog right now. We believe people should find their own path. It may not be the same path as ours. Mexico is a complicated country to adopt from in that things vary a lot from state to state. We picked our state for a variety of reasons, a big factor was that we have family there. But mainly it was a gut instinct. We have questioned and re-evaluated our decision to pick the particular state over and over. So far each time we have felt reaffirmation that this is where we are supposed to be right now.

Others have also asked whether we are using an agency or if we are doing an independent adoption. We are using an agency. We chose our state ourselves, but that doesn't mean we are doing an independent adoption. We appreciate having the support and experience of an agency. If we had chosen to, we could have put everything in our agency's hands, and the agency would have picked our state and coordinated everything. But since P is Mexican, and we are finding that we are able to communicate with the DIF, we decided to maintain close involvement. Not everyone wants to do that, but it works for us. For example, we didn't have to submit our dossier in person to the state we chose. Our agency would have coordinated that for us. But we were going there to visit family anyway, so we took the opportunity to visit the DIF in person.

UPDATE: We cannot recommend doing what we did, as in the end it did not work out.

Some people hope to discover a state that is easier to adopt from than others, or a state where they will be able to adopt the youngest children possible. If there is such a magical state, we don't know which one it is. We called every state where we have family and spoke with adoption coordinators of the DIFs before deciding on our state. We found that in the states we called there were at least 100 Mexican families already waiting to be matched, some states even had over 300 families on their waiting list. In general, the children that are more readily available for international adoption in a quicker timeframe would be older children or larger sibling groups or children with disabilities or special needs. We shared with our agency the information we learned from the states we contacted, and our agency has contact with even more states.

UPDATE: We have heard that the National DIF will be deciding which state that dossiers will be sent to. Finding your own state might not be an option anymore. Check into current regulations and processes. Things change.

We're still hanging in there!

It's been such a long time since the last post, people must be wondering what is happening. There were major changes that recently took place in the DIF of the state where we submitted our dossier. So adoptions have been on hold until a new adoption committee is formed. We hope things will move forward again by the beginning of next year. In the meantime, we are trying to remain patient and to not have unrealistic expectations.

It is very common in Mexico for major staffing changes to happen in the DIF offices of each state. It happens all the time, especially after elections. The DIF told us we are still on the waiting list and not to worry. So we just have to wait and see what happens.

Tick Tock, The No News Clock

No news. No news, no news. Sorry, we have no news. It's sweet that people ask, it shows they are excited and interested, which we so appreciate! Waiting for news is not easy, especially when we have no idea how long the wait will be. And for now, no news is simply no news, nothing more, nothing less.

Even though we've been working very hard on this for over a year, it has actually only been two months since our dossier has been in the hands of the people who will provide the referral. It helps to keep perspective.

Bilingual Households

One of the readers asked a great question. Are we going to be raising our kids in Spanish? We would love to! One of the advantages of adopting older children is that the children will already have a foundation of Spanish. Our hope is for our children to be able to build upon their Spanish and not lose it.

Coincidentally, a few days ago I found out that I won, via the Spanglish Baby website, a copy of the book 7 Steps to Raising a Bilingual Child by Naomi Steiner. I am looking forward to receiving it, as we have been putting a lot of thought into how to raise children bilingually. That blog has a lot of useful information and links regarding this topic.

We have already starting collecting a few children's books that are versions either written in Spanish or are bilingual. We saw many wonderful children's books in Mexico that we resisted the temptation of buying when we were there in May. But now that we know where the bookstores are located with the large selections of children's books, we'll certainly be buying more when we return. It will be easier to chose which books to buy when we know their ages and interests.

Children learn new languages quite easily. P moved to the United States as an adult without knowing any English, and now he is completely bilingual. Our bigger concern is for our children to be able to build their Spanish vocabulary and grammar. Since half of our family speaks only English, and the other half of our family speaks only Spanish, our goal is for our household to remain bilingual.

We are looking at different options for how we can nurture bilingualism in our household as well as researching schools. We are seriously considering implementing, at the very least, the One Parent One Language method for raising children bilingually. P would only speak in Spanish to the children, even if we are around people who don't speak Spanish. When addressing the group, he would speak in the group's language, but when speaking directly to the children, it would be in Spanish always.

We will both be speaking Spanish with them when we meet them. I'm not fluent, but I have been working on my Spanish for years. I hope that speaking Spanish to them will come naturally to me, even though Spanish is not my first language. I think it will help us all bond as a family if we all speak the same language at first. I hope to continue speaking as much Spanish as possible with them even after they become fluent in English. Speaking Spanish at home would benefit all of us in building and maintaining our Spanish fluency.

I know that even with the best of intentions, it can be a very difficult endeavor. We've seen it with friends who have had challenges raising their kids to speak Spanish in the United States. But we think it is well worth trying!